Food for Thot

It's a good thing that when things get too hectic in my household, I can sneak away for some privacy here in my room and conenct with my friends on line. Because I meet new acquaintances all the time, whether in person, via Internet, or even through this blog, it is in fact the older friends that I've neglected.

But one of them in particular, I've been avoiding. See, he's always on line. I see him there, "Available"...but when I get on line, I set my own status to "Busy", or "Be Right Back", or even worse, to "Invisible".

Of course, he always knows when I'm trying to hide from him. But is it an okay excuse to say I've been putting off chatting with him because I feel there's just so much to say, so much catching up to do, that I don't know where to start?

Or...is it just that I am too embarrassed to admit to him that I've actually been "Available" all this time--just chatting up other friends and surfing other sites and occupying my time with other things?

Honestly, it's not that I don't wanna talk to him...in the back of my mind, I know it's familiarity. He's always there, he's always on line; he never goes into "Idle" mode or "invisible". Sometimes, it's as if he never sleeps.

Once in awhile, I'll send him a quick message: "Hi, hello, what's up....oh well, I gotta go..." or, when I need his advice terribly(he knows me so well) I'll bug him with questions and needs. See I realize I only chat him up when there's something I want from him.

Today I realized my own selfish insensitivity when I recieved a call from him this morning. Over the airwaves, he reminded me that his birthday was coming up soon ("Well, it's still two months, but plenty of advance notice for you!" he quipped) and that the only gift he was hoping for from me was a little time out of my "busy" schedule to hang out with him...even just a few quality moments...

That's all he wanted and I felt so bad and so ashamed. I have been acting too busy, too okay, to pre-occupied for my very good friend.

You know I love you, Jesus, and I'm sorry.

No....not just a good friend, but the BEST one I have ever had.

So, to my most valued Friend: If You're reading my blog again today, I just want You to know that I'm available to chat. It's officially my day off and I want to spend it with You. And I hope that by the time your birthday comes around on December 25, I'll have given You the gift You wanted most. (Or lots and lots of them.)

Be still and know that I am God

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know that

Be still and know

Be still

Be

(Verse 1)

Leaves lay on top of my heart
Its been burned once again
By my god my saviour my rock
who strengthens me trough these trials and tears

Autumn comes summer ends it is the time
to start a new and dry away my tears
to trust in god, in his love and mercy
hold his hand and start my race

(Chorus)

For i was afraid of bleeding
for i was afraid of dying again
of dying again
for i was afraid of breaking my heart
for i was afraid of falling again
of falling again

(Verse 2)

the wind blows on your face and in my heart
the beats get faster and faster a day
all those moments that we spent i must now burn
because my saviour tells me to do so

i dont know i dont know why you do this
oh god ill trust you and do what you say
you know better you are wise and your love light
is glowing stronger and heating my soul

(Chorus 2)

and now im not afraid of bleeding
and now im not afraid of falling
and now im not afraid of dying again
of dying again
and now im not afraid of breaking my heart
and now im not afraid of falling again
of falling again

ill fly to fall
though my wings will fail me
ill fly to fall
over and over and over
ill fly to fall if this is what you want ouf of me
what you want ouf of me


ill fly to fall
though my wings will fail me
ill fly to fall
over and over and over
ill fly to fall if this is what you want ouf of me
what you want ouf of me

I was reading CNN this morning and came across an interview with Michael Berg, the father of U.S. businessman Nicholas Berg (who was beheaded in May 2004). He brings out a great angle on forgiveness. However my favourite quotes are from the end of the article:

O’BRIEN: There’s a theory that a struggle for democracy, you know…

BERG: Democracy? Come on, you can’t really believe that that’s a democracy there when the people who are running the elections are holding guns. That’s not democracy.

O’BRIEN: There’s a theory that as they try to form some kind of government, that it’s going to be brutal, it’s going to be bloody, there’s going to be loss, and that’s the history of many countries — and that’s just what a lot of people pay for what they believe will be better than what they had under Saddam Hussein.

BERG: Well, you know, I’m not saying Saddam Hussein was a good man, but he’s no worse than George Bush. Saddam Hussein didn’t pull the trigger, didn’t commit the rapes. Neither did George Bush. But both men are responsible for them under their reigns of terror.

I don’t buy that. Iraq did not have al Qaeda in it. Al Qaeda supposedly killed my son.

Under Saddam Hussein, no al Qaeda. Under George Bush, al Qaeda.

Under Saddam Hussein, relative stability. Under George Bush, instability.

Under Saddam Hussein, about 30,000 deaths a year. Under George Bush, about 60,000 deaths a year. I don’t get it. Why is it better to have George Bush the king of Iraq rather than Saddam Hussein?

Read the full interview here.